Dating Tips & Tricks

Make a new Plan, Stan...

Plan an activity for a first date.  Don't just meet for coffee.  Engage with each other in fun, interesting ways.  Doing something on a date reveals vulnerabilities, how open this new person is to challenges and gaining new experiences, and shows that you as the date planner have the creativity and caring nature to think outside the box and create an experience that both of you will remember.  So, for that next date, try a cooking class, a winery tour, a physical challenge, a dance lesson, an artistic endeavor or anything else that might seem fun!

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No Babysitting...

Nobody wants to feel like they have to babysit a sloppy drunk date and sometimes bad decisions happen when you are not thinking clearly.  He or she may seem nice, but keep your wits about you and stay sharp.  Your safety and ability to use logic and common sense are paramount when getting to know a new person.  So, enjoy a cocktail, wine or beer, but here's a good rhyming slogan to keep in mind - "Enjoy the one, then you're done".

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Location, Location, Location...

Don't give out your address to a new person.  It's okay to tell them what part of town you are in, but never say "sure, come pick me up" or "I'll meet you at your place".  A first date is a stranger to you - it's great to trust people, but be smart and keep your physical address a secret until you have known this new person for a longer time.  Second, if you end the date at someone's house, the temptation to "go in for a nightcap" or make a bad hook-up decision increases dramatically.

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Hook-Up, Let Down...

It's okay to flirt, it's okay to kiss, but evidence typically shows that first dates that result in a full on sexual hook-up almost always lead nowhere!  If you like your date and find yourself attracted to him or her, that's awesome, but take some time to get to know them.  When it feels right and you feel safe and comfortable with each other to move things into a more intimate direction, then grab the wheel with both hands.  Don't be subjected to any kind of pressure or societal norms that make you think, "Should this or that have happened yet!?".  Go at your own pace, talk about it with the new person in your life and everything will work out as was intended.

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X Does Not Mark The Spot...

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Three Ring Circus...

Do you ever think, ergh, I am not sure what to talk about or ask on this date!?  Just remember the three biggest rings that encompass the average person's daily existence.  They are Work, Play and Home.  Work - Inquire about their job - what he or she does, their passion for it, and maybe what he or she wants to do down the road. Play - find out what they enjoy when the working day is done (thank you Cyndi Lauper!)  Does he or she like sports (and which ones!?), the arts (either as a creator or an admirer) or whatever it happens to be when you see your date's eyes light up as they talk about it. And lastly, Home - this one might take longer to figure out as I don't want you to visit your date's home on the first date!  But, home life can reveal a lot.  What we surround ourselves with - from music, books, pictures on the wall and furnishings etc., all reflect on who people are on the inside.  So, don't forget the three rings - they are precious!

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The Politics of Dating...

Now, some say to never bring up Religion or Politics on a date.  But I say bring it on!  Have you ever met someone who seems really nice but after awhile they start dropping racist or intolerant comments about other people or groups?  I say, try to suss out your date's general attitudes towards people, places and things in the world.  If you find that you generally do not like what you hear, then this person may not be right for you as a long-term partner.  Then again, sometimes opposites attract!  I say, give everyone a chance, speak your mind, but always be respectful of other's opinions as well (no matter how crazy you might think those opinions are!)

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Family or Fam-ill-y?...

Talking about your relationships with family and friends can be a great way to get to know someone on a date.  Just don't talk about how crazy your parents are or that you and brother got into a fist fight last Thanksgiving.  Be honest and upfront about the important people in your life, but sometimes giving too many details to a date can scare them away.

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